As a child I have always tried to hide certain parts of my life, I have always been secretive and never really opened up to people. There’s a first time for everything…
I can remember things from as far back as 3 years old but the funny thing is I don’t have one memory of my father being in my life. I know my father… well I know who he is and we converse from time to time but is that really a father? What is a father? The guy that fucked your mom and got her pregnant? Ummm NO... One whose isn’t there but tries to discipline you when you make a mistake?... HELL NAW.
I have come to the conclusion that everyone doesn’t have a father, I don’t have a “Father”. I have been searching for a father figure in my mother because she is such a strong woman but no matter what people say it isn’t there. No matter how strong a woman is she can’t be both your mom and pops. The closest thing I have to a father figure is my big brother, and its sad that im just now figuring it out. I have spent so much time fighting with him, pushing him away, and telling him that he is wrong and placing a big X on him as a symbol of his being wrong because that’s what an X means…it’s a sign of being incorrect but X marks the spot.
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